Couples Experience …Men Of Integrity Talk Of Bedroom Issues

“Condoms delay the pleasure, the feeling is different,” said one man.

By Catherine Murombedzi


Woman: I do not like condoms, I get bruised down there, my partner is circumcised. We use lubrication because I am sensitive. We are a discordant couple, my partner is a blood donor for 8 years.

HUSBAND TALKS: If you are married to a many who was raised in a  highly patriarchal setting, the chance of him accompanying wife to ante natal clinic is low. Social upbringing is seen in men who support wives in pregnancy through to delivery, it was easy to accept my wife, it was from my background. My wife is beautiful and I had no problem accepting her HIV status. You can not change 25 years of misinformation as men are brought up overnight. You can not change someone overnight. For us as a couple, we monitor my wife’s viral load consistently, it is a determinant for me in remaining HIV negative. So, I am not at risk of getting infected with HIV because my wife is undetectable.
Science says undetectable means one can not transmit the HIV virus, U=U.


It was not easy to be a part of PMTCT programme. To most men, hazvina kana dhiri, hazvina kana profit ( to most men, it does not matter it is not important at all). The message has to be communicated well, that communication either makes or outbreaks a man resolve to go or not to go. So this issue requires timing, pillow talk wins. As for me I ended up enjoying being at ante natal clinic. We were given first preference, walking into the facility, staff respects us, other women wish they husbands like me. I enjoy going with wife to the clinic holding our baby for check ups. Male engagement is not talked of at church. Most think it is for women, as communities and churches, let us talk of men of integrity. Women are not sex objects, they are friends, helpers, men in communities, we have a long way to go.


JOSSY: We are a discordant couple, my husband comes from traditional leaders family, we have been married for 30 years. We are now onto quality sex, not quantity, we are grandparents, we are empowered and we go away together for holidays. We do all our discussion as a couple involving our children. My grand children know that gogo is on treatment. I openly work in my community as an HIV activist and community worker disseminating health awareness and HUV prevention.


The husband speaks: For me, my wife is my friend, her status is not a hindrance to our love.
MRS GONO: I went to get tested alone I tested positive and was in denial. I failed to accept my status, I even blamed my husband. I was faithful, so he was to blame. I asked him to go for testing, he got tested and results were negative. My husband got mad, I was to blame. He had to go for counselling because he got mad. So after counselling, he understood. He supports my journey and urges me to get viral load testing and have my CD4 count going up. He is very supportive, he is strict with what I eat. When I informed him of this workshop, he looked forward to this discussion. I work as a home based care giver in my community.

● The couples discussion by PAPWC-ZIM has been a first. The couples are going to lead as discordant couples champions in their communities.



Related posts