By Michael Gwarisa
Drug and substance addiction is very common in the music industry, and Psychologists have identified several reasons why musicians find it easy to slide into addiction. These range from the easy accessibility of drugs since most of the time musicians play in clubs and pubs where drug peddling is rife. Fame and fortune, immaturity, money, nomadic lifestyles as they tend to be on the roads most of the time, and generally a Laissez-faire kind of attitude have been linked to the high prevalence of drug and substance in addiction in the music industry.
However, for songbird, Pauline Gundiza (39) of the Ndichamuudza Sei fame, a hodgepodge of factors ranging from childhood trauma, coupled with marital and economic woes drove her deep into the abyss of drug and substance abuse. Pauline however says she is now clean and has found strength in her music career and the support she gets from her partner Mazul “Fuzzy L” Fazlahmed.
I think the source of my struggle with mental health and drug abuse came from a somewhat dysfunctional family I grew up in,” says Pauline. “From childhood, there are certain patterns and repetitive things that happened and at some point, when my life hit a slum, I just wanted to escape from it all.”
It all started as a friend’s night out for Pauline but ended up being years of battling drug and substance addiction.
“I am a very emotional person so I started to tack it all out on alcohol. I look back today and I can only wish I had said no to my friends. They appeared to be good people with intentions then. First, it was fun, I would feel better whenever I got high. Then alcohol became my go-to place. Every time I had an incident, I would turn it into a reason to drink that day.”
Pauline got into an early marriage with fellow musician, Rockford Josphats which however did not last, as the pair would divorced in 2009. Left to fend for their two children amid a difficult economic environment with few employment prospects for young women, Pauline saw no hope outside the bottle.
“There is an incident in my life that made me just want to fall apart. It was that bad. Early marriage, early divorce, early motherhood, poor economic situations, history of mental health, history of depression, loneliness, media attacks. It was a lot.”
Isolation
Years went by and Pauline’s addiction got worse. She lost everything from her promising career, business, friends and family. Even those friends who had initiated her into substance use were nowhere to be found.
“I spent a lot of my years stuck in that cycle of alcohol addiction. A very destructive cycle it was. A lot of my fellow artists can even testify that my career went down. I lost friends. I would always start an incident whenever I got drunk and this was now embarrassing to my friends so they ended up leaving me behind and started avoiding me. I didn’t know my alcohol limit.”
According to the Dietary Guidelines, adults of legal drinking age can choose not to drink, or to drink in moderation by limiting intake to two drinks or less in a day for men and one drink or less in a day for women, when alcohol is consumed. Drinking less is better for health than drinking more.
Suicide Attempts
Due to prolonged isolation and rejection from friends and family, depression and loneliness crept in, giving room for suicidal thoughts to fill the void.
“So the drinking and public incidents continued and would amplify the situation until I got to a point where the mental illness took root. I had one or two suicidal attempts which failed, thank God. They were not well thought out but I'm grateful to God for that because here I am today,” said Pauline.
Self-Rehabilitation and Family Support
Every person needs someone who will help them navigate difficult life situations. Though some have been successful in quitting drugs and substances without the assistance of skilled counselors and family, the majority of drug and substance users fail and find themselves back to the very habits they would be trying to turn away from.
For Pauline, finding new love in Mazul, and her love for her family gave her the strength to rehabilitate from years of drug and substance use.
“I don’t think I would have made it this far without my life partner Mazul. Thank you. I don’t think I would have made it without you my life partner. And my daughter Sky. Thank you so much. There’s a time I didn’t have the strength to think for myself and my partner would always say, you know what, I do understand your background, but do you know what you have to do? You have to stand up and you have to fight. Because if you don’t fight, then what?
“So he would challenge me and say, you know, we’re going to a party, you’re not drinking. If you don’t want to drink, maybe I’ll get you maybe one day. After you’ve done your work, after you’ve fulfilled your purpose. But I didn’t have the strength to monitor that myself. So he became my working partner. My daughter was there and when I would look at her, I would see what I was risking with my behaviour. I was taking away her future. Already, I had destroyed so many opportunities for myself and I didn’t want that for my child. So this is kind of what got me to get up and say, you know what, I need help. And it’s not easy to say, please help me because somehow you will be exposing your weaknesses to the whole world. But I had to because if I didn’t do that, there would be no me to speak of. I started rehabilitating myself, so to speak. I did a lot of research.”
She visited mental health institutions where she met people who also helped her with information and assistance regarding her addiction problem.
Finding Strength in Music
Pauline has since stopped taking any drugs and any substance abuse. She has also revived her music career and has since penned a song to encourage drug and substance users to find strength and quit the destructive lifestyle.
“We did the song called “It’s Never Too Late.” I was actually kind of telling that story again. So the more I was doing this campaign, I learned a lot of things that were now helping me. So I can happily say we’ve had people we have directed to care not directly, but I know the procedure now because I’ve walked that road. I’ve been on this journey, I need to call upon society, family, friends, husbands, and wives when someone has a problem, it’s easy to judge, and it’s easy to laugh. A fool dancing in the street is funny until it’s your relative. It’s very easy to laugh and tell yourself I’m so wrong. So let’s not take these people as rivals. Let’s look into what we can do to create a support system. So far what I’ve managed to do is things like this.”
