Patricia Mashiri
In 2025, Issac (Not real name), a 43-year-old man from Kuwadzana Extension in Harare, did something he had promised never to do in his marriage: he hired a sex worker. After a long evening, he found himself lingering in the lodgings of a sex worker near Holland, Kuwadzana 6.
One conversation led to another, and soon he was sharing thoughts and feelings he never imagined revealing to a stranger. The woman listened, laughed at his not-so-funny jokes, and offered an empathetic ear. Eventually, he said goodbye and returned home.
“At home, there was a coldness and a lack of emotion and affection, no matter how hard I tried,” Issac said, visibly emotional.
Because he had taken the sex worker’s number, he began calling her regularly, sometimes visiting just to talk and spend time, without engaging in sexual activity.
This illustrates a new reality in Zimbabwean sex work: sex workers are increasingly becoming emotional refuges for men who feel unappreciated in their marriages.
Sex workers interviewed by HealthTimes noted a shift in the nature of their work. Instead of clients seeking sexual services, many now come to vent, share their struggles, or find temporary emotional support for troubles stemming from marriage and economic pressures.
These encounters have become informal therapy sessions. Men spend hours discussing loneliness, troubled marriages, and the lack of safe spaces to express themselves at home.
The trend raises serious concerns about mental health, communication breakdown in marriages, and societal pressures that limit men’s emotional expression.
“It is far more common than the public realizes,” said Precious Msindo, a sex worker and Director for Springs of Life Zimbabwe. “Many clients pay not for sexual services but simply to talk. In a society where men are expected to be stoic, many have no safe outlet for their vulnerabilities. They talk about the immense pressure of being providers in a difficult economy, the fear of failure, and feeling unappreciated by their partners.”
Msindo added that the most common issue men raise is not the absence of love but a lack of connection.
“Many describe a ‘roommate syndrome,’ where they and their spouses have become strangers living in the same house. They cannot speak their truths at home without starting a fight or being seen as ‘less of a man,’ so they carry that silence until they reach us,” she said.
Sex workers serve as neutral spaces where men can remove their masks without fear of judgment. They are not wives, bosses, or pastors.
Another sex worker, identified only as Mamoyo, said, “The common emotions we see are loneliness and stress. Some clients even cry in front of us. One client comes, pays for an hour, asks how my business is going, laughs, and leaves. He is just escaping his problems.”
Research shows men often lack safe emotional outlets, keeping problems private and carrying heavy emotional burdens. Approximately 29% of men have attended therapy, compared to 41% of women.
Tawanda Karise, a family therapist, explained that emotional breakdown in couples rarely starts with one major issue; it grows from smaller, unmet needs.
“There is emotional neglect. Partners may live together, raise children, and fulfill responsibilities, yet stop being emotionally present. Conversations become functional, about money, children, or household issues, but the emotional connection fades. Men turning to sex workers to talk shows they lack safe emotional spaces in their everyday lives,” Karise said.
In many African cultures, men are socialised to appear strong, composed, and in control. Expressing emotional struggles can feel like weakness, especially when partners may use vulnerabilities against them.
“Many men only seek therapy after relationships are already in crisis, sometimes at a partner’s insistence. Once in a non-judgmental space, however, men open up deeply. They often commit fully to the process once they realize therapy is about understanding, not blame,” Karise added.
